Feel the heat/ Sunday, July 09, 2006
just came back home from church.- had cg sharing, LTP201 and floorball. im hmmm in a ah-tmr-school-again kinda mood. =((
looking at the youth ministry camps photos few weeks back really reminds me of those youths we have lost touch with. the people who left, who backslided, who turn away. i can name so many, so so many. who ever really notice the absence of these people? poeple come and go, if we dont grab them, we lose them. i can name so many of them and its not all of them. zhi an, jessie, eileen, zhengying, gary, weiming, bingling, yanting, ben, the twins(i dont know their names) eric, nicholas, enping, roger, and more more. sometimes i really wish i had done more, to make them feel more welcomed, more love, more comfortable.
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i dont know y but i really dont like the feeling of pple always saying tt i will give others(guys) wrong idea. so what if newcomers are guys? means i cant approach and reach out to them? why? why everytime when i talk to some new pple, make friends and be sociable, pple will ask me to be careful or to not lead them wrongly. like hello, i know what im doing. and i really cant stand it when newcomers are just so alone and no one talks to them. ya? =) whatever, maybe its really my fault. maybe i shall really restrict myself and yah, let others will reach out to them right?! (i mean like NO, so wrong.) to lead is to serve ya? i felt so accused and so helpless. a part of me want reach out, the other part of me is restricted cos i dont want you all to talk abt me. and the way i do things. ...speechless.
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im quite sians abt school tmr. i mean no isnt, but yah. im trying to still be joyful abt it. and talking abt being joyful, cg we were talking abt having tt complete joy in us. the kind of joy tt is something deeper than laughing and being happy. like what jabez said, its a silence confidence knowing tt God is still in control and because of it, we smiled. altho things might nt be good at that moments, we are still having tt joy tt hope tt God is still here. well, ya like what sam said, it is something tt cant be explained, we have to experience it ourselves then we will know whether we have tt joy, tt faith.
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and yes, CG , i really know what each of you mean when u all share abt your struggles with God, having tt joy, tt faith to hold on in difficult times. i din shared much just now but yah, i really wanna say i understand, at least to some extent. during the period of seeking God thru daddy's death, i know i look okays and fine to many. ya, somehow i know God is working altho i so dont agree at tt point of time and when u walk out of it and look back, God is still in control, He is still on tt throne, right? not say im super joyful or smth, im still struggling now, in a way. to continue to live for him and to love my family no mater what it becomes. really am trying to keep tt joy. knowing tt Jesus will never leave me. just want to encourage you all tt, no matter what struggles you are going thru, God will bring you thru, cause he brought me through, even the most difficult times so far. bringing you through doesnt mean tt its over and tt's it. for me, i still have memories, of daddy and of every other things tt i had let go, but bringing me thru means, when i look back, i will not dwell on it and changed tt joy into bitterness. when i look back, i thank God for His perfect timing and my future.altho i still cry night after night, i know God is still on the throne and in time to come He will show me. to simplify, is having tt hope.
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alot of times, we only managed to thank God and be amazed at His plan after we walk out of the struggles and look back. and we will nod your head in agreement with me, yes the Lord is still working in the midst of all=)
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and i shall continue to be joyful abt school tmr. and i at least i think i will be. and i really thank God for the sports ministry. praying tt it will continue to grow and grow! same passion, same goal, one focus=)
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He is a God tt understands, that sees our pain, our hurt, our every movement. a God that is never letting us go, a God tt nv gives up, a God tt is alive. and He is the God tt we are worshipping. turn to Him , cause only Him alone can be there for you ALWAYS. man fails us, remb God wont. and the* storms in your lives will not overwhelm you, God's love will. *
torn in between, but
im caught in Your grace.
yongling.
you completed my life..
4:32 AM <3
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