Feel the heat/ Tuesday, June 20, 2006
like how i agree with daryl, it has really been LONG since i blogged. =) holidays are coming to an end very soon and somehow looking bac kat how i spent the holidays, i have been playing all the way. floorball after floorball=) im so undisciplined.
well lets talk about today. today i had dinner with lucille, sarah and sam. yacht club's nice:) and well, the food is nice too! and the most important thing is that the talking and discussion over CG matters got me thinking and help me set my mind on what God really wants me to do.i know that i have always wanted to be a CG leader to lead God's pple spiritually and i know i wanted to be part and involved in missions. and my heart goes out to those in other countries whom haven know Christ and you know, i really wanna see revivial! esp in east timor.i sense tt is somewhere God wants me to serve in. but for now, i guess i need to focus more on spiritual growth and helping pple to grow which leads me to CG :)
under construction-
its been joy seeing our cg becoming so close thru the years and splitting is definately going to be so trying for alot of us. i was so doubting my own ability and calling to serve as a leader in the very near future, but after dinner and talk just now, i felt so refreshed again to go out to fight. to continue to stand for Christ and yes indeed, all God needs from us is willingness, that willingness to serve, to learn, to trust and of course to obey. and again thru it all, God will be there to hold us. in this new CG, somehow i know i got alot more responsibility but i also know tt im so not alone, im feeling rather excited about this new challenge ahead but in this excitement, there's this little bit of fear. fear of rejection, fear of not doing good enough, fear of not being able to gain respect. and now learning to work with pple, pple with same passion but different viewpoint.
sports ministy-
so much have been going on and i guess alot of us, our passion had decreased alot. but again, i thanked God for calling me to serve in this aspect and in this moulding me, helping me to see things from his viewpoint and being patient with pple and even myself. there's so much discouragement at times and when things are really not going smoothly, i see God's hands reaching out to me, and then i will realised tt all i really need is to stop trying in my strength and reach to Him. easier said than done?, i know:) but well, God have been so real in my life and i can definately testify to His goodness. i know i said it alot of times before =, but im gonig to say again, im still trusting God for tt harvest in sports ministry and i know God will work in His ways. even when im feeling so alone running this whole thing, i know maybe alot of others felt the same way too. im glad tt God has gone before me and He really understands.
me-
past few days have been very trying for me. to really in a sense surrender to Christ's strength and love. im actually quite prideful and in a way im quite spoilt. i want things my way most of the time. and being a Christian few years back, i learned to trust in God way. but slowly down the journey, i started to leave God outta of the pic. and i come to realise how small im standing alone without God recently. and how i really cant do much myself.and sometimes i will ask myself, " cant i do it my way?", " i wanna live my life my way". but again, i thank God tt He is God and He sees everything,the past, present, future. and being God He knows what's the best for me:) ytd was the day man. first time, sarah saw me cry so hard. i seldom cry so hard, i know im sad but everytime i cry after service, i tell myself i must be okays cause there's still Cg later. and everytime mummy talks about daddy, i wont cry i will hold back my tears cause i know if i cry, mummy will cry very badly too. and thru the whole funeral i look fine and ya i din cry so hard at all, at most drop few drops of tears. i know i cant take it anymore and there's alot of things happening in my life.i know im not the only one so ya, cheer up:) i once heard from one of my closest sister, lucille, tt "yongling you are strong not because you dont cry but because you cried." im always so encouraged by these words. seriously, i dont understand y, y me, y my daddy and yes, there's alot of y. but somehow thru all these questions, there lie a purpose, part of God good plan for my life. i have always thought tt last year was a year that was so hard to go thru, esp when funeral was 2 weeks before Nlevels. and finally when everything was over and its a brand new year! but again, i felt that this year is another year of struggling, struggling to surrender to God. a challenge towards me physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. past few days i really almost give up. i felt so, i-m-such-loser kinda feeling.i cant find that joy in me anymore. all i see is sadness and meaningless. but again, i thanked God for the affirmation from alot of things/pple. i just miss daddy. i miss watching soccer matches with him, miss gonig east coast and changi airport with him. =)
daryl-
hey! i know you will be reading. so ya, here's something for you. i wanted to write a card but oh well, my handwritting is really bad. heh. i just wanna say, my life have been diff since you came to WEFC. i seldom see guys having so much passion for Christ. you can say tt its our lives tt spour you on, but i want to say also tt, you have encourages me so much. to continue to hold on and to trust on even when i dont see God working. thankyou for being so willing to share and to love the pple ard you. you are not alone, trust me, we are running with you. and at this point of your life when you are making decision to stay/ leave, i will be praying tt God will be with you and tt He will give you wisdom. keep going ya? i see your passion for the lost and i know God have a great purpose in store for you and when you feel tt nothing happening and tihngs doesnt go your way, God is still working, in His perfect ways:) stay joyful k? i thanked God for a brother like you. RUN ON:D
*all i could ever ask for.is YOU
yongling.
you completed my life..
7:41 AM <3
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